On Saturday, my aunt, uncle, and their child came over from San Francisco to spend some time with us. As they got out of their Nissan car they smile and walk up to the front door. My little cousin Anthony who I have never seen untill now was tall for his age. Of course I greeted them and took there luggage into my room where they will spend the following nights. Its been a while since they’ve been over to our house. So after my parents and my aunt and uncle were done talking from the living room, my dad decided to go to an amusement park to entertain the kids. My sister invited her two friends Leslie and Kathy to go with us. So we loaded up the truck and the suv of ours full of family and friends and set off to Riverside. As we got to Castle Park we saw this huge log ride where people would just fall through a slope of water. The weather was getting hot and humid. So everyone brought with them a water bottle. Everyone except the grown ups and I did not go on the rides. I wasn’t feeling to my normal self so I decided to not go on the attractions. All the little ones were having fun on the little rides, my sister went off with her friends, and I went to the arcade to play video games. On that occasion I also won some prizes. So it was getting late so we decieded to leave. When we got back into Ontario, my dad went to go buy food to put on the grill. I had to get the grill ready so I turned the nozzle for the propane tank. As my dad cooked my friend came over and brought Guitar Hero. So we were playing then my dad called us over and we were playing dominoes. After that we ate. It was getting late so everyone helped pick up trash. I was tired after that so I went to bed.
The incident was that I was sick and could not get on the rides. All the young ones had adrenaline rushes while they were on the rides and I had nothing but a cold. So I did not enjoy my day at Castle Park but I did have some fun at home being with family and friends.
April 4, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Since your problem is that you are sick and unable to go on the rides, you need more description of you being sick. Describe the way you felt as you considered going on the rides. I like the descriptive detail that you added about your aunt and uncle getting out of the car, but you did not continue using that type of description. You can cut everything that doesn’t take place at Castle Park and give more description about what happens there.
Do not edit this post, please copy it, click on “write”, paste it, and then edit the new post. Add #3 to the title.